No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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