I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
