even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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