Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's just like the Real World with babies
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
