My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
