I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
