Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
