So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
