He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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