I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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