I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
