do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
