Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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