if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is Oprah even human
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
