I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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