Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
