I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
