sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
