well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
