Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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