Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
