dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
