She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
