That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
false alarm, still single
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