you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
