you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Shame - the story of my life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
