I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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