he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
