this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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