that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
