found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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