Whats the glycemic index on semen?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize