Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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