I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
