The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
