I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
