also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
