don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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