kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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