he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
