I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
