saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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