So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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