hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
