How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
