reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
