you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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