lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
