his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
