Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
