she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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