I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
