i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize