if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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