Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
