The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
