i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
