Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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