I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
