dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
