i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
