I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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