When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
