Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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