this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
