You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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