ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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