we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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