someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
