You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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