Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
