Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
