i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
