how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
