We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
