hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
