What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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