I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
