my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
