nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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