i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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