Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
