I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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