Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
