I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want a musical about memes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
