i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
