God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
