Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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