do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
