your room smells of hookers.
And success
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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