I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
