oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
