Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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