chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
