I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
