Sry I called you an 8
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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