Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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