Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
