I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
