its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
