i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
