I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
