And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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