you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
