69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
