Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize